Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
