I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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