Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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