I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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