Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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