I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
