the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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