Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
