my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
