never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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