Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
