weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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