R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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