I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
