I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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