I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
operation harelip BJ is a go
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I supernannyed him into submission
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
