Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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