The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize