please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
