and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
