WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
