Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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