I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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