im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
