dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
