I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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