im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
