I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm bleeding and have questions
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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