Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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