he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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