Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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