i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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