FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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