When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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