Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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