I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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