Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
