If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
