I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
