Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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