Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
