apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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