So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dignity is for republicans.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
