i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
