we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
