If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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