And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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