I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
