If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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