Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
