Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
