There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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