yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
