Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
