I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
