there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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