i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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