Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
