One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
