I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
