literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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