areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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