Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
