i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
