Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
