You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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