That's intense
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
