Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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