Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
