I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
