what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
