Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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