This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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