final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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