people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
