i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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