I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Green mimosas i think yes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
