We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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