I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
